


Ian's Guilt

by bombshellblonde



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x01, M/M, mentions of bipolar disorder, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3355865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bombshellblonde/pseuds/bombshellblonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I saw a sad gifset and wrote a sad drabble about Ian's thoughts at the end of 5x01 when he is looking down at Mickey. I'm sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ian's Guilt

The night was always the hardest for Ian.

There was no excuse to be running around, no activities to do. The world was asleep, everything was closed, Mickey was passed out beside him, but his mind raced.

He didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't want to know what was wrong with him, because the odds are, he was just like Monica, and he was NOT like Monica.

Ian smoked his cigarette and looked down at Mickey, sleeping soundly, even looked like he was smiling.

How could Ian have done what he did today? How could he have cheated on Mickey, the only person he's ever loved, and done it twice in one day at that?

Mickey had come so far, they were living together, forming their own family. Ian should have been over the moon every fucking day that he finally got what he wanted.

So why did his body betray him at that grocery store? Why couldn't he take his eyes off of that fucking bus boy?

He hated himself even while he was doing it. He knew it was wrong. He knew it would break Mickey's fucking heart the way it was breaking his, so why couldn't he stop?

Ian looked down at Mickey and needed to make it up to him. Not the way that his body needed that release earlier today, in a different, way better way.

Ian woke Mickey up and fucking loved that smile on his boyfriends face. They wrestled and rolled around and kissed and laughed like the teenagers they were.

While Ian held Mickey close, hearing the older man's moans and feeling his legs wrapped around him, Ian tried not to cry. He gave Mickey everything he had, letting his body apologize to Mickey the way his brain wouldn't let him right now.

Ian fucking loved Mickey, he hated himself for cheating on Mickey today, and hated knowing there was nothing to stop him from doing it again in the future.

So for now he kissed Mickey, he held Mickey closed and he fucked him like it was the first time all over again.


End file.
